hmm just watched the tvb awards presentations... results were pretty much what i expected. fung din get best actor and i feel pretty sad ): actually, he wasnt gna get it at all i tink.. but imagine how horrible it feels when everyone ard u is like rooting for tt someone else when u reli think u have a chance and u want it that much :(

and in my many years of being a fung fan, i tink this has been his best year as yet. but hes nt gna hav a chance to act in such a gd show anymore, since he wants to sing and since there are so many political things going on.. so when will be the next time he gets the award in recognition of his efforts?

actually besides the money and fame, i tink theres nothing good about being in the showbiz industry.. have to live like another person, live up to the 'image' and basically, u lose yourself and cannot be yourself anymore.

anyway, i guess it sort of mirrors my own experience the past year. as the year comes to a close.. i have to make a decision.. and then i have to accept whatever decision i made.

i guess i have to recognise that since i lost that opportunity, its nv gna come back no matter how hard i try and regardless of how good i tink i am (i really think im good ok haha). what to do? live with it lor... (unless half a million falls from the sky, and i become someone whos not hesitant)

perhaps, what is the most beneficial thing to me through this all is the experience of some sort of failure in an otherwise very satisfying life ive had.. better fall now than later and die. hmm... but the sad thing is that this has been my future and my dream. heh. dreams mean alot to everyone i guess.

so.. i nid to find something else i really want in my life.. actually, i tink i noe what it is, just that i dont want to accept it as it is right now. im onli 19. sigh. pls fast forward me 10 years or rewind me 1 year.

shit i feel damn emo now ):