i realised i have been very depressed the past 3 months, such that i tink this general state of mood has been messing with my emotions. i havent really been happy for a long, long time.

happiness is sth very subjective. sometimes, we might get happiness somewhere, but lose our happiness elsewhere. win some, lose some - god is fair (though personally, i dont believe in god; i believe in myself) thus, i have decided to take this one year to search for happiness, to embark on a journey en route to a new chapter in my life next year.

i want to find out what happiness really means to me. it still remains a mystery to me if i will truly be happy starting a new life in australia, or continue with my life now, but with a different perspective. of cos, i still hope to pursue my dreams in singapore. but thats sth i will talk about and sth i can only do next year. do achieving dreams = happiness??

i hope that on my birthday next year (to commemorate how horribly my birthday this year was), i will truly be able to say again "i am happy".

my past few blog entries have been really depressing, so it might seem quite weird that im talking abt sth that has eluded me for a long time (jason, less emo aura, yes?). its actually because ive had a great, wonderful wkend. in fact, my weekend has been a happy happy one. tho there's still sunday to go, i dont reli count sunday a 'wkend day' cos i'll be busy doing my tutorials (unfortunately, tutorials start nxt wk).

so, this is why my wkend has been happy:

1. i finished reading the time traveller's wife! okay its nt reli sth very exciting or happy. but its cos ive been taking forever to read this. and the story was really good, and also gives me a perspective on things different ppl pursue in life.

2. liverpool just scored a (miraculous) 2-1 victory over middlesborough! :D made me rather excited i was shouting at the tv. haha. pool was playing poorly tho, but gerrard scored a last minute winning goal.. i really admire stevie g as a player and a captain, cos he plays with so much heart and he drives the team on, and he never gives up.

3. spent quality time with a special one, and felt the sweet happiness i havent felt for a long time cos ive been so screwed up and giving everyone ard me alot of crap :)

and saving the best for the last....




its beautiful. and means sth special for us.

and so i search for happiness, and a new start in my life.