have to survive on bread and water already.. bought alot of things (i.e. spent alot over the wkend):

1 printer (laser printer!! i totally love it. nothing more satisfying than seeing atoms appear as atoms instead of pixels when printed) - $169
1 250gb HDD - $129
1 4gb thumbdrive - $19.90
1 e66 phone (this phone is hot. i love it!) - $298

:S

and sth interesting,

The Stages of Grief
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

i realised i have been very depressed the past 3 months, such that i tink this general state of mood has been messing with my emotions. i havent really been happy for a long, long time.

happiness is sth very subjective. sometimes, we might get happiness somewhere, but lose our happiness elsewhere. win some, lose some - god is fair (though personally, i dont believe in god; i believe in myself) thus, i have decided to take this one year to search for happiness, to embark on a journey en route to a new chapter in my life next year.

i want to find out what happiness really means to me. it still remains a mystery to me if i will truly be happy starting a new life in australia, or continue with my life now, but with a different perspective. of cos, i still hope to pursue my dreams in singapore. but thats sth i will talk about and sth i can only do next year. do achieving dreams = happiness??

i hope that on my birthday next year (to commemorate how horribly my birthday this year was), i will truly be able to say again "i am happy".

my past few blog entries have been really depressing, so it might seem quite weird that im talking abt sth that has eluded me for a long time (jason, less emo aura, yes?). its actually because ive had a great, wonderful wkend. in fact, my weekend has been a happy happy one. tho there's still sunday to go, i dont reli count sunday a 'wkend day' cos i'll be busy doing my tutorials (unfortunately, tutorials start nxt wk).

so, this is why my wkend has been happy:

1. i finished reading the time traveller's wife! okay its nt reli sth very exciting or happy. but its cos ive been taking forever to read this. and the story was really good, and also gives me a perspective on things different ppl pursue in life.

2. liverpool just scored a (miraculous) 2-1 victory over middlesborough! :D made me rather excited i was shouting at the tv. haha. pool was playing poorly tho, but gerrard scored a last minute winning goal.. i really admire stevie g as a player and a captain, cos he plays with so much heart and he drives the team on, and he never gives up.

3. spent quality time with a special one, and felt the sweet happiness i havent felt for a long time cos ive been so screwed up and giving everyone ard me alot of crap :)

and saving the best for the last....




its beautiful. and means sth special for us.

and so i search for happiness, and a new start in my life.

out of curiosity, i went to read one of the (scam) mails in my junkmail folder title "your atm card".

here's part of the contents:

This Card Center Will Send To You An ATM DEBIT Card Which You Will Use To Withdraw Your Money In Any ATM Machine In Any Part Of The World, So If You Like To Receive Your Fund In This Way, Please Let Us Know By Contacting Us Back And Also Send The Following Information As Listed Below.

1. Full Name
2. Phone And Fax Number
3. Address Were You Want Them To Send The ATM Card To
(P.O Box Not Acceptable)
4. Your Age And Current Occupation
5. Attach Copy Of Your Identification

We Have Been Mandated By The ECOWAS Parliament To Issue Out $1.4Million usd in your favour This fiscal year 2008. Also For Your Information, You Have To Stop Any Further Communication With Any Other Person (S) Or Office(S) To Avoid Any Hitches In Receiving Your Payment.

Note That Because Of Impostors, We Hereby Issued You Our Code Of Conduct, Which Is (ATM-202) So You Have To Indicate This Code When Contacting The Card Center By Using It As Your Subject. It will cost you only $250 for shipment of the card to your doorstep.

i just wonder....... who really falls for sth like this?!

hm.

fireworks tmr!!!! :D:D:D:D

i passed my BTT 2.5hrs ago! so yay! and i signed up for my practical alr. woo! signed up for manual, in case i go overseas (e.g. africa, still) i can drive a rover and travel ard. woo! but first, i need to sign up for my lessons.

anw, today's 5h break wasnt spent alone so my mood today wasnt that emo. haha. but it was still qt a long time to pass... zzz. and ive concluded that i dont think i will make close, lasting friends in uni. ah.

met up with jason yuani hongyi ytd. the foursome! :D basically we just pigged out and went to dempsey b&j which rocks :D and in commemoration of yuani's farewell (future earth scientist :D) we took alot of pictures and had a great time. oh but jason says i have an emo aura about me now :/ :( ohwell ohwell.

slowly, all my friends are gna leave on their jet planes.. especially for the people im closer to, it is a sad thing :( booo.

well, who knows, i might be next :)

i ponned by 1h lecture ytd and for today and tmr, i only have a 2h lecture.. which is such a waste of transport fees im gna get the concession soon. once i get my card.

anw, i had an electrical engineering lecture with the lecturer being bangladeshi. and he was like speaking hindi 20% of the time and hinglish (hindi + english) the other 80%. as a result, it was so difficult to concentrate -.-

and my BTT is nxt monday ohgod i just took a mock test online and i dno so many things -.-

ahh.. school.

i am now hiding in the study room anti-social-y.. doing some bidding for modules and then doing up my timetable and all that stuff. perhaps gna watch some dramas later. i have a 5h break aft all..

my first lecture was so boring the droning of the prc lecturer was just.. slp inducing..

its the first day of school and i say with regret that im nt studying sth i like alot. i regret that i didnt do better 3 mths ago. but perhaps.. its now time to pack my feelings.. and only unpack them nxt yr, when i give it a go again.. whether singapore or australia. who knows i might even go to uk to do sth else.

im sitting at a scenic spot now. feeling rather lonely. ahwell guess no one will understand how i feel. sigh.

(and why is the study room filled with prcs?!)

back from orientation.. with so many things which happened this week.

firstly, orientation wasnt as bad as i thought, so yay (: and got to meet many ppl.. (tho havent seen many from bioengin) and the ppl are all nice, just tt im nt too used to the common vulgarities hurled ard :/

otherwise, yixi has convinced me nus is more happening than ntu..

jess has left singapore for the us of a and its reli sad :(((( but i hope she'll be happy there.. or at least nt too homesick :)

and otherwise, if i had the power, i would change the way nus admits ppl.. cos i tink its freaking unfair the way it is now. for med at least.

ahwell. school starts tmr. its rainy. thats a bad sign... sigh.