nus is depressing. period.

oweek doesnt look fun actually.. argh. :(

school is starting.. it feels really horrible and i really really dread it. nothing to look forward to.. and the feeling of loneliness really sucks like nth else :(

the ppl giving out the orientation wk forms ytd was like asking "do you have anyone to go oweek with?" and it just felt so sad to say a 'no'. guess its pretty unusual that ppl go for oweek alone then, by what she said.

im going for my registration tmr. it just feels as though once i get my student card tmr, thats it.. thats the rest of my life already.. and no, its not how i wanted my life to be.. perhaps i am stuborn, but all along, ive only envisioned my life to be that way and nothing else. and no, im still not ready to let go and accept sth else. i wont settle for 2nd choice so easily.. but perhaps i dont even have a choice now. we can talk about next year, but life is too full of uncertainty to even hope now. i dont even know what i'll be once i graduate and come out to work. my heart tells me to pursue my dreams whatever it takes... but my head tells me it might nt be the best choice.

if all things happen for a reason, i do want to know why so many things have happened. sadly, i'll only get to know the reason years later. if there even exists one.

ah havent blogged in a while. lets see.

i went back to stnicks to return papers.. and bumped into siyun and sylvia! which was pretty nice cos i just kinda like talking to siyun :) ironically, i din think we even talked that much back in sec school. hm. but it was a nice day, aft which i rushed to hc to get my cert and made it just in time!

then.. theres this nus engineering tea session tmr.. which i dun reli feel like going cos theres gna be a whole lot of ppl (i dont know) and im gna be qt lost and lonely. sigh. but guess i have to go cos there are impt stuff?? argh.

and the reality of school starting, and me settling for (a lonely) 2nd choice is sinking in.. not looking forward to it at all.

and as i look back on the mths that have passed in 2008, i dont know if i did things i would regret. like, did i not try hard enough for my interview?? i had alot of thots but din perform on the day it mattered. and shld i have tried harder for a scholarship? cos i just sorta believe i can achieve more. did i make the wrong choice by choosing sth practical over sth i like (i.e. engineering over science)? could i have spent my time better?

argh it just seems like a very very bad year. in total contrast to 2007. hopefully, the nxt few mths can compensate for this horrible year.

my bro has a recommendation for tuition p5. shld i go? dont really wna commit and its especially tiring cos im starting school soon. but it cld be sth meaningful.. and sth to take my mind away from the unhappiness in school?

argh. i dont know.

and i guess i SHOULD go tmr. sigh.

hello! this is the first post from my new laptop! :D which is a fujitsu MADE IN JAPAN haha. i wasnt that excited abt buying one at first (cos laptop = school starts = sad) but now i like my laptop more and more! :D that i expect to spend the nxt few days installing stuff and exploring the functions.

not exactly used to the stretched screen, and the vista which is kinda sophisticated -.-

otherwise, i love my laptop! :D and i finally have a laptop to call my own! where i can do whatever i want with it and no one will touch it. HOHO.

i've ended my teaching stint at stnicks! :D and it felt good to be able to rest without worrying abt the nxt day's lessons, or stay up mugging stuff like liu bang and xiang yu. hee :)

my sec 2s were so sweet they wrote me a card! :D and seriously the sec 1 and 2s were so different.. in the sense that when i was giving out lollipops, they insisted i give it out and were really polite and nice. instead, i got mobbed by my sec1 class and they were taking the lollipops out of my hands. which was so annoying. ugh! but nvm they are kids after all i guess.. (but my other sec1 class was v nice abt it also!!!) ugh!

anw, i noticed that somehow the sec1s AND 2s like PINK (lollipops, out of pink blue orange yellow and green). it was quite interesting cos i din reli expect that! so cute!

heeee. i'll still be going back one of the days after i finish marking their common test paper. which is qt difficult cos its compre and i dun reli noe whether to give marks for alot of qns -.-

on a heavier note, school is starting in 2 wks :'(

it's my last day tomorrow!!! :D:D

but im troubling over what to teach for a 1hr lesson tmr, and am also mugging some chi lit about confucian teachings. just ytd i was mugging abt liu bang/xiang yu stories and its actually qt interesting, but so luo suo. haha. wikipedia in both eng and chi comes in handy ;)

im qt happy to leave! cos its tiring to teach and i wna slack. school is starting in 2 wks :'( NOooooo. argh. but im also qt sad cos as annoying as the students are, they end up being qt cute cos they are lower sec after all. aww.

and i did learn qt alot during these 3 wks! and it was nice to be back here again :) yay. mayb i wna teach some other subject. but time seems to pass to fast when im busy. and i dread the day school starts. sigh. sucks. :(

im blogging from the staff room!! cos its recess and im super bored. and today's lessons are rather slack. and its friday :D:D oh but i just rmb i nid to mug sth im teaching for chinese lit later -.- 15min left can la.

erm. actually theres been nth interesting :/ but so fast nxt wk's my last wk le. all the teaching's draining my energy. and 3 wks wasnt enough to really form some bond with my students. so i dont tink i'll be sad to leave! in fact qt happy then i can slp till 10am everyday again till school starts :'(

i go buy coffee milk le. byee!

my student tagged on my board! hahaha.

anyway, hello! im nearing the end of my 2nd wk teaching. i only started teaching 1J this wk and am so impressed by their quietness. it is so.... soothing and makes my life alot easier. they are actually interested to LEARN. omg. unlike ytd, where i had to shout till my voice was almost gone. and im drinking like 2litres of water a day in school :O

and i found out im teaching my sec1 classmate's sister, and another sec1 classmate's cousin! :O

erm im preparing my slides for tmr's lesson! so mug! :O

anw i think i need to speak slower, cos i ran out of stuff to talk abt today during chinese lit. i was teaching qin shi huang! and surprise surprise, i can rmb stuff abt him! (mayb the fact tt i watched a serial abt him helped....) but fri im teaching sec2s something abt 礼 its some 儒家 thingy im gna die for that :D

and i had a funny request from my ex-teacher to judge some indian dance thing. HAHA. its funny cos im just a relief teacher, and.. indian dance?!?!?! it was so out of the blue. haha. (its racial harmony wk) but sadly i cant help her cos i'll be gone alr :P

and the bad thing abt working agn is tt i spend money again.. bot 3 tops in 2 days. :O i cldnt help but buy the tshirts fr esprit cos they were cheap and cute, tho ive promised myself nt to buy anymore tshirts. but nvm, school starting.. and i bot a blouse fr the pasar malam near my hse for only 10bucks. which makes me feel like the 26bucks one i got at far east is so scam.......

okay enough talking. nid to work!!!!!

oosh!

teaching.is.so.tiring.

so everyone my age and above, thank your teachers for who you are today.

its only been four days and i feel so dead! it was friday, dress down day, weekend-is-finally-coming-and-monday's-a-holiday day.. but i felt super sian ):

and i have resolved to study the stuff im teaching properly on monday... if nt they are gna die. and i feel so stressed so im also gna die. have to mug some qin shi huang too to teach the pesky sec 1s chinese lit. (!!!) ahhhhhhhhh~ serves me right for not paying attention last time.. mayb i can show them xun qin ji haha..

anyway. the students today are so different from when i was a student back then. its only been 6 yrs has it been that long?! (okay maybe.. i got my o and a levels along the way alr haha) especially the sec1s. everyone i talk to rmbs that we were so guai when we were in sec 1... the sec 1s now are like....... a bunch of noisy kids who dont hav interest in chinese at all.... ohmy..... which annoys me so i shout at them and at least it helps. for max 20min. luckily they are not like rude or what. argh. horrible. at least the sec2s are so guai now cos they have some best behaved class competition going on..

anw, i think whats most satisfying abt being a teacher is having a class of 30odd ppl listen to what u have to teach them :) today was the first time my sec2s listened to me so quietly so they cheered me up qt abit on this sian day :D

and this time i go back to stnicks as a teacher.. i still see abt half the teachers of my time still there :) which is a nice thing.. many more young teachers.. qt a no. of young teachers in chinese dept too. i wonder why they wna teach chinese? cos given a choice i'll teach like. math or science. chinese is difficult to teach..

oh i sat in for chi dept meeting today! i was qt fei but i qt enjoyed it haha. i sat beside pan lao shi and she was so so cute :D she kept asking me to eat the pastries and had to drag me there hahah! now i know whats so lovable abt her, that so many of my friends, and seniors who i dunno, who were taught by her in sec1 still come back and visit her till today.. and she must really love teaching to hav stayed for so long. wow :)

anw i tink less families are speaking chinese now.. some students really have so much difficulty putting a sentence together. ohno. it means that. one day chinese would hav to b taught in english. thats so sad.. i wldnt say i like chinese but i dun think such a language shld be lost like that. proud to be chinese :)

meanwhile. my fung is gna sing the olympics song for hk :D:D:D and hes gna hav a new album :D:D:D:D:D ohmy~ can feed my appetite le...

okay im really tired. weekend's for recharging!