hellooo.. im officially a relief teacher tmr :) it feels qt scary tho cos i have lots of things to do alr. and i found out i also need to teach chinese lit. omg! hahaa. time to read their notes so i know what to preach and how to read those difficult words. haha.

mm. ohyea! thanks to the many people who have been with me so far :) im trying to move on. i have to and tho im nt exactly back to the happy me, i'll survive i hope :) din know ppl read my blog heh heh. so thank you annabel and guotong, who tagged on my board! thank you yixi, who replied my email in such a funny way, thank you rice for we havent talked in ages, thank u megawati who talked to me loads abt what i can do, jolly who let me teach, thank you jessica who i'll pester in nus!, and so many many many many more. especially my family who see me cry so often during the :( period and try to cheer me up, and support me whatever i do, and the bun who listens to me cry and whine cos i hav no one else to cry and whine to :)

oh my dad told me sth which kinda hit the nail on the head and mayb woke me up.. he asked why i kept crying when i've been a strong and independent girl all along.. im strong enough to make this tough decision on uni, and im independent enough to survive alone overseas.

ah, but strong ppl are nt that strong inside. i bet i'll be super homesick if i go overseas.

but i guess thats worth it :)

but i cant do anything abt it now :(

and teaching is so stressful :( i just mugged chinese (i.e. read their worksheets, dictionaried the words i dno how to explain, etc) for abt 3 hrs -.-

wii gives me muscle ache! :) :( mario gokart is fun hahaha.

its been a period of severe :( i realised that the people ard me are going into uni upbeat.. or at least nt unhappy. i have absolutely nth to look forward to in uni.. doing sth i dont like, no friends, no hostel (i live in yishun argh!), no orientation camp to go to even.. the camp organizers dont seem to care about people who will struggle in uni (i.e. me, and thus nid the camp badly) cos they dont have friends there or sth like that. and my sis said it'll b a regret if i miss out on the camp cos its really fun and a part of uni life. :(

and its been a period of internal struggle.. whether to pursue my dream in aus.. and empty my parents' savings. well for now this is more or less settled.. idp person (i did not get his namecard) says i shld wait for another yr to apply cos most of the application dates are over.. i'll hav more and better choices nxt yr.. so i'll hav to stick it out in nus first.. take some time think properly.. but knowing myself, i know it's goodbye to my dreams because unless nus really sucks that much that im miserable the whole yr, i wont go aus alr i guess..

maybe all these are happening to toughen me up :( i declare its the first setback of my lfie.. hai. who knows who knows. maybe its just nt fated to be. master wugui fr kungfu panda said "there is no accident"..

ohwells. anw. jason mraz's new album seems to be the nicest out of the 3 so far.. not so indie but not to the extent of mainstream.. nice :)

i havent blogged in ages!

cos nth has been happening in my life. boring. my routine is a wake up-newspapers-drama serial-read-eat boring kinda boring.

but starting nxt monday there might be sth exciting (or freaky!)!

im gna teach sec2/3 CHINESE at stnicks! woooo! HAHA. i had a dream one day abt being stuck in a steaming sauna classroom and was dying and i woke up feeling freaked out. in fact, i am feeling qt freaked out! there are many reasons for this:
1. my chinese is lousy
2. i hope my students are nice (because stereotypically, no one pays attn during chinese lesson, whats more when its conducted by a relief teacher who's only max 5 yrs older than them) and i never liked chinese in sec sch. in fact i thought and still think o level chinese is nth more than meaningless rote learning.
3. seeing my ex-teachers will be WEIRD
4. how do i teach chinese?!?!?!?!?! i need practise speaking chinese!
5. i dont know that they learn now..
6. i have to get to know colleagues. again :(

but of cos there is the one bright spark of being able to indulge in my favourite ORANGE BOWL NOODLES EVERYDAY!!!!!!!!!!!

in fact that might be the only bright spark.

okay there are other stuff like good pay.

oh! and the fact that im finally doing sth meaningful this holidays :)

hmm these few days (actually, week) have been good, happy, special, nice :))
(perhaps except for ytd.. sigh)

anyway, the pictures below show what i've been up to (besides going exotic places like haw hot par villa and underwater (fun) world, watching funny movies like kungfu panda (master wugui... its reli qt a gd movie!) and having failed outings with council ppl :D)

i realised i love cooking :D
western: miso, boiled veggies, fried potatoes, egg, bacon wrapped mushrooms..
chinese: xiao bai cai, stir fried brocoli with prawns, the potato was an anyhow cook thing.

but eew i cannot stand the smell of garlic on my fingers.

which reminds me - i forgot to eat my almond jelly!!!






i realised im someone who doesnt change easily while cleaning my room the other day (i find i have things ive kept for ages.. and i just cnt bring myself to throw things away tho they might be really useless)

perhaps it isnt called change. i guess im just someone whos qt clingy to the past and to memories.

lets just say, i dont let go easily. or perhaps regarding my uni things.. im refusing to let myself let go. ohgosh thats damn dumb.

argh. head or heart???????



this is seriously funny.

so i said,

"you shldnt doubt yourself just because the people who dont know you that well doubt your abilities. what matters more is that you don't doubt your own abilities and what you really can do."

and after actually saying this to someone other than myself, ive found renewed belief in this. hell, i seriously think i can be a good doctor though my interviewers didn't think so. maybe this is my ego speaking. (hello ego!) but i really think i can be a good doctor. i havent been so confident elsewhere, or even been so confident before.. hm.

i am still considering the reluctant option of going overseas. it will be a selfish decision.

so i am still thinking.




to steffi: yes you are very right, rice you're not the only one but u're still the one! :P
to rice: refer to the above :D
to yixi: depressing period bleh :( oh dreams why are you so hard to catch. hahaha.

im screwed.. in the end i decided to accept nus.. and i realised im gna be a super miserable engineering student. ahhh.... help me..

pls let the miracle i need fall on me :(

my tagboard has got a bit more interesting of late :D

haha.

it's 2nd june! i havent decided whether to accept something.. or am i going to take the risk???? argh. :( i shall ask ard and see...

wkend was good! no more pms-ing. too detrimental. tsk.

and i realised im more interested in looking at guy clothes than girl clothes (of cos, i still wear girl clothes..) ahh. guy clothes are so much more simpler. bleh.

happening week coming right up! :)