happy chinese new year!

wasnt that happy for me actually. i think the way i spent the first day of cny was qt meaningless. i spent the whole day at my grandpa's house, where everyone in the whole family gathers every year. i dont know why, but my mum just woke everyone up super early in the morning and we eventually reached kinda early. like, the first family there. stone. worst thing is there was no tv wth. so i played psp with my brother and stoned and tried nt to fall asleep. eventually other families came and the house got very crowded and re nao.

but i just found it so meaningless when i like, never ever talk to half of my cousins (thats abt 10 of them) ever. and er to be perfectly human, there are some people i dont exactly like in the extended family. so i just spent time with the cousins im closer to. which was a nice thing! but we only see each other like once or twice a year so there was some awkwardness in the beginning la. which got better. but we had nth to do except eat, talk, play cards, stone.

then theres the angbao giving thing. somehow, this year, i dont really care about how much im getting. in previous years i would and could rmb what each aunt/uncle gave but this year i really dont know except for like, 3 of the angbaos. seriously, i wouldnt mind not getting any angbaos if i could have a more meaningful and memorable new year with my relatives.

i think im losing interest in money. :O thats really weird. or maybe nt so bad la, but since ive started work and started to earn my own money and struggle (okay mayb nt.. just exaggerating) to make ends meet (transport is freaking expensive), i realise having happy times is more important. i'd rather be happy than rich anytime. blah. and these few days havent been the best days of my life. i feel like a freaking loser, inflicting unhappiness on others no matter how hard i try nt to. argh.

maybe my cny will be better when i have my own kids, and my extended family wont be as large or sth.

and i tink thats all the visiting im doing this yr (and mrs ang's house on 16th), unless i go to friends' houses.

no special feeling towards cny this yr. in fact i preferred the reunion dinner.