according to the oxford dictionary,
meaning (n): what is meant.

meaning means what is meant.

today is a weird, weird day.

i've been thinking about how weird today is since i got on bus 852 at 3.30pm.

just less than 20 hours ago, i was mugging for econs. (sinful last minute mugging) i finished at 12++ and was wide awake, for some reason. (i was tired.. i slept at 2 the previous day and woke up at 6+) so i recited econs in my head to sleep..

and i woke up, wide awake.

i went to school and desperately tired to read some gp articles.

gp was over.

relaxing lunch where i had rice from the chinese stall for the 2nd time in my life in hc.

tried to mug.. but we were to report to exam venue alr.

econs was over.

at the end of it, i cldnt believe i had finished 2 promos papers. i still cant. i cant believe i actually studied for econs only the day before.

i feel nothing. why am i not worried about the promos?! even though it constitues to 60% of my finaly marks and would probably decide if i go thru the year again (CHOI!!) or be promoted to j2 and pass next yr at twice the speed of this year (scary.)

today passed too fast for me.. i dont know why.

actually, thats not the main point.

i think life has become so mundane that i find no purpose, and no meaning in what i do alr. there's nothing to look forward to, nothing to strive for (except to get promoted this yr).

i guess i need to find some new purpose in life. or perhaps to rediscover my current purpose in life, which i have lost suddenly today for no reason at all. or something new just needs to come into my life!

ive reached the saturation point of perhaps the first stage of my life. (17years!) time will tell if its really so.. and if there's a better new stage.

maybe.. i should go watch hk dramas after the promos (i'm going to anw)
maybe.. the ocip trip at the end of the year would be good for me.
maybe.. i should go indulge myself in mugging.
maybe.. i'll go and sleep this feeling off.

(i think i'll do the last 2 in 20mins time)

maybes. we question so much in our lives about 'maybes' and 'ifs'.. they seem to serve no purpose now.

hm. that was a random sentence that doesnt quite fit.

ah la la la la la life goes full circle..
perhaps its time to grab a new compass and begin drawing another circle.

nevertheless, im grateful i still have my family and friends :)

disclaimer: this sounds depressing but i'm totally not depressed. just that perhaps at some point of time in our lives, we need change. the thing is, im happy with the status quo of my life. (??) ahh... oxymorons.