what a horrible day - im totally gna fail my physics! :(

bleh. i was irritated at the stupid paper by the time 1 hr passed cos i din noe how to do loads of stuff. arghs. and i wished the paper ended earlier so i cld end my suffering earlier. after the paper i felt agitated and i think my blood pressure went up. arghs. but that slowly evolved to sleepiness while stoning in the canteen.

i want and need exercise!

arghs. but i'll go mug maths and bio and spa properly alr lah. (nt like i didnt want to mug properly! just er more intensive i guess)

physics, ee.

according to the oxford dictionary,
meaning (n): what is meant.

meaning means what is meant.

today is a weird, weird day.

i've been thinking about how weird today is since i got on bus 852 at 3.30pm.

just less than 20 hours ago, i was mugging for econs. (sinful last minute mugging) i finished at 12++ and was wide awake, for some reason. (i was tired.. i slept at 2 the previous day and woke up at 6+) so i recited econs in my head to sleep..

and i woke up, wide awake.

i went to school and desperately tired to read some gp articles.

gp was over.

relaxing lunch where i had rice from the chinese stall for the 2nd time in my life in hc.

tried to mug.. but we were to report to exam venue alr.

econs was over.

at the end of it, i cldnt believe i had finished 2 promos papers. i still cant. i cant believe i actually studied for econs only the day before.

i feel nothing. why am i not worried about the promos?! even though it constitues to 60% of my finaly marks and would probably decide if i go thru the year again (CHOI!!) or be promoted to j2 and pass next yr at twice the speed of this year (scary.)

today passed too fast for me.. i dont know why.

actually, thats not the main point.

i think life has become so mundane that i find no purpose, and no meaning in what i do alr. there's nothing to look forward to, nothing to strive for (except to get promoted this yr).

i guess i need to find some new purpose in life. or perhaps to rediscover my current purpose in life, which i have lost suddenly today for no reason at all. or something new just needs to come into my life!

ive reached the saturation point of perhaps the first stage of my life. (17years!) time will tell if its really so.. and if there's a better new stage.

maybe.. i should go watch hk dramas after the promos (i'm going to anw)
maybe.. the ocip trip at the end of the year would be good for me.
maybe.. i should go indulge myself in mugging.
maybe.. i'll go and sleep this feeling off.

(i think i'll do the last 2 in 20mins time)

maybes. we question so much in our lives about 'maybes' and 'ifs'.. they seem to serve no purpose now.

hm. that was a random sentence that doesnt quite fit.

ah la la la la la life goes full circle..
perhaps its time to grab a new compass and begin drawing another circle.

nevertheless, im grateful i still have my family and friends :)

disclaimer: this sounds depressing but i'm totally not depressed. just that perhaps at some point of time in our lives, we need change. the thing is, im happy with the status quo of my life. (??) ahh... oxymorons.

woohoo i just got high mugging bio! or rather, writing my notes. i managed to condense my 58pages of lecture notes into 10pages of notes in my notebook! WOOHOO. of cos i almost died but i was chanting "jiayou jiayou" every 15mins. :) so i managed to finish at 1.30am (3.5hrs! ugh) and i got high and started jumping about. (alone in my room) wahaha.

a more productive day, but not productive enough! :( tmr must procrastinate like LESS. in fact, not at all.


GOGOGO!!!

mugging mood finally set in i think! :D

argh what am i doing?!?!

i spent like 1hr+ filing my stuff in the morning. i watched initial D. (deadly sin) and i actually onli started work at 2+?! arghs. so i didnt accomplish much. by nighttime, my mind was dead with the invasion of transposons, telomeres, centromeres and whatnot. just when i wanted to do chem, my mind just shut down and i had to go slp.

arghs. i shall be productive today. sigh.

SLACKER!

today was/is a totally slack day. first break: volleyball. then makan. then we had gp where we watched '12storeys' by eric khoo. v dark/depressing show but reli interesting too!

2nd break: unsuccessful mugging.
aft skl: attempted to mug. then rice n i got hungry and we ate sandwich! then we spent like 20mins contemplating whether to eat cup noodles. -__-" we finally ate in the end, with my dinner entertainment = reading newpaper (pool beat newcastle 2-0! and kuyt scored! :D) then aft we got full and decided to take a walk (abt 6+pm alr) then we passed by council room. and decided to play vball again! (-__-") so more vball. then we went to shoot hoops at netball court. till.. 7++. then we went home. argh!!!! horrible unproductiveness! :( but happy haha. so fit and is a nice break from mugging!

ytd was really REALLY NICE too :) pe/break = vball and bball, then CT period our WHOLE CLASS (for once) played capt's ball/vball with ms tee! damn fun and it was reli good for class bonding. i hope we have more CT interaction time and do such stuff tgt :)

meanwhile im watching prison break! the lead actor has nice deep-set eyes. and its qt interesting. so back to my show! :D


Ah! Sunflower by William Blake

Ah! sunflower, weary of time,
Who countest the steps of the sun,
Seeking after that sweet golden clime
Where the traveller's journey is done;

Where the youth pined away in desire,
And the pale virgin shrouded in snow,
Arise from their graves and aspire;
Where my sunflower wishes to go.

a sadly nice poem! :D one day i'll go dig out my african eulogy (?) unseen poem i did last year! cos i like tt too. :)



I Don't Wanna Be by Gavin DeGraw

I don't need to be anything other than a prison guard's son
I don't need to be anything other than a specialist's son
I don't have to be anyone other than a birth of two souls in one
Part of where I'm going is knowing where I'm coming from

I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I gotta do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me

I'm surrounded by liars everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by imposters everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by a deadly crisis everywhere I turn
Am I the only one to notice?
I can't be the only one who's learned

Can I have everyone's attention please
See, not like this and that
You're gonna have to leave
I came from the mountain, the crust of creation
My whole situation made from clay, dust, stone
And now I'm telling everybody

nice song :) chariot's nice too! :D


omg i just saw ron ng's most recent photo and i seriously think he's UGLY. his hair is a disaster cos its weirdly short. and his clothes were.. gay. nvm. and of cos beside my fung he looks like.. chao zibei person. i mean he just looks weird. and of cos we learn in gp we must support our arguemnts with evidence. so heres my evidence:




hah.

okay nvm. im qt sleepy actually. fried my brain totally today with maths. arghs. gna embark on chem le. im dead! 8days..

13 days..

bleh. i shall plan out my mugging plan later (abit late!!! but better than never). i productively mugged 5 bio chapters today! though shamefully, they were the super easy topics. ohwell. let me delude myself for a while.

a while.

okay i nid to do more work! mayb if im nt sleepy later. i shall do some physics. theres remedial tmr n i din prepare! ahhh.

aiya not in the blogging mood. in the pigging mood! i am super craving for chwee kueh, hokkien mee, coconuty kueh (eg tutu kueh), amk central prima deli choc waffle!

ahhhh. okay i nid to go amk tmr to stock up on stationery. i think quantum physics is true. i dropped my red fake zigg in b202 ytd and it DISAPPEARED probably into the ground. arghs nid to buy a new one! stupid.

had 2 mugging hotdates with rice so far. today's was productive man. but go home so late abit scary esp at the ulu busstop outside skl. o.O heh. but for the love of the promos, cmi! (can make it!)

im super lag! er promos are in 14days and im like okazaki fragments. bits and pieces everywhere. i need DNA ligase so i can settle down and be a happy replicated DNA! arghs. or rather a happy mugging student.

somehow the words 'happpy' and 'mugging' dont go tgt. hm. ohwells.

tmr theres maths tutorial and lecture. bleh. im still giving up on series n seq. oh and i took 2h to do vectors I. then theres (gasp!) econs remedial! arghs. i think ive totally lost confidence in my econs :(

theres OCIP interview tmr! bleh. actually im nt that worried.. but yeah i wan to go for ocip! :S shall think about what they will ask me later.

meanwhile, its PW night! shall finish my eom and i&r.

bleh. farewell!

bleh, its like 12.25am in the morning and im starving.

anw, in 6.5hrs' time i'll be in school.. again. this 1 week break hasnt reli been a break, especially when i spent half the week in school. :( and so i didnt get down to doing much work. except finished up some overdue tutorials. my promos is in a bad state.

criteria for promotion:
(GP not included) 1 H2 pass and 1 H1 pass. and another S pass in H2 (if i din rmb wrongly)
(GP included) 1H2 pass and 1 H1 pass with a pass in GP, or
2 H2 passes.

blehh!!! okay i better make sure i at least get Es. if i get any U, i'll have to drop a subject (which is obviously physics) and i think i dont reli mind that. but meanwhile i spent the whole of today on physics. electricity drives me crazy esp when the notes are lousy. :(

theres physics test and bio spa on tuesday! coupled with (i reckon) piaing of pw. i din do my I&R and my EoM has been stagnant with 1 paragraph left! i cant even rmb wheres my almost completed file.

bleh. ohwells, really have to work hard. must work a miracle in these 2 weeks!

exams remind me of the praying session we had last yr! actually it wasnt reli praying.. but whatever it is i reli enjoyed it so much. :) it was wonderful how the whole cohort, regradless of religion, could find some time during assembly (otherwise known as CT period now) to sit down quietly and reflect on the past year(s) in sn. everyone was so hectic and it was good to slow down for just that 1hr odd.

and it was just (spiritual?) how father perreira cld evoke the strong emotions in me and alot of other ppl about life in sn.. how i eventually broke down cos i knew i was gna miss the place so so so much cos it has given me so much and shaped me to be who i am. and i still do.

hugging friends, teachers. treasuring the last few months in sn. washing each others hands. saying some prayers, singing some hymns.

ahh i wish i cld have such a session next yr. :) but thats not possible i noe. maybe i'll set aside 1h near exams next yr to think about what 2years in hc has been and what it has meant to me. :)

hm i think i like to think.

nvm.

OHYEAH! i had a wonderful dream last night. hahahaha. i dreamt that i went to wang li hong's concert and he talked to me, asking me to switch on the aircon (for some reason, the concert was held in a northbrooks sec looking hall) :D:D:D:D hahaha. and of cos he looked GREAT. i wan to go to his concert on the 21st oct! but theres no one to go with me, no money, and i think i have sth on that day. :( bleh. time to buy the vcd to watch le la.

okay i shall go off! mugmug sleep.

i just spent ~15hrs in school today! on a vacation day! o.O super tired (physically - labour intensive jobs!) im gna sleep once my hair dries. zzz

reached at 7+. paint. self entertained with tennis-with-the-wall. attempted to do bio. O1 formal. MAF. arghs.

super sick of carrying boards, crossbars, connectors, jacks, frames!!!!!! and towards the end of today, even climbing, cos chao tired alr. bleh. and somehow when taking down the stuff i got abit scared of climbing when i usually am not o.O maybe cos it was at night. ahhhhh. okay nvm. better be rejuvenated cos sat/wed have again!

and stupid lah, carry all the rusted stuff make my hands even rougher. as if it wasnt rough alr! bleh. cannot film hand lotion ad. :P

bleh. but lightings, centrepiece are worse i think. so everyone jiayou! :D

I SERIOUSLY NEED TO START MUGGING

0102: okay since im bored and my hair's still wet.. ive decided to upload some pics! :)



THE BRAVE SAIGANG WARRIORS! :D (who really risk their lives)



our brave hengjie/horizontal sister/GT!


our resident painter bearbear! haha. (pic taken on 3rd layer!)


the view from above:


cldnt log in! so posting it today

my motivation and pianess which went away on vacation finally returned today :) super productive day where i piaed chem tutorials ive been lagging for (i.e. last 2 qns of alcohols and last 3 qns of halogens) and those i need to get done (ie carbonyl, revision lecture stuff). yayy. and i realised accomplishing things make me high and happy! :D i hope my motivation doesnt run away again. i'll onli allow it to pangseh me after promos then it can go to antartica for all i care. :D

for now i really nid to mug for promos! and i promised myself to finish tutorials by tmr. which is er, not possible. arghs crap. and i better prepare for physics remedial so that i dont fall 3/4 asleep! and cause mrkoh to qn why i nv ask him any qns. bleh. :(

bleh tmr's super long day in skl (like 8am-10pm). arghs. liddat how to mug. this lapse possibly gives my motivation a chance to escape! it better dont.

oo im hungry. but nvm im sleeping soon! :D i hope i dream of mugging. (omg!) okay not funny.

lalalalaaaa!

:)

perhaps.

aye.. steve irwin the croc hunter died today. he got stung by a stupid stingray.. must be bad :( it's so sudden i cldnt believe it! and im reli sad cos i really enjoyed all his programmes.. and really admired him for his courage when handling all these dangerous animals. and im sure despite the fact that the stingray killed him, he still loves these animals and wildlife very very much. :)

i guess it wldnt be that bad to die doing sth you like. (as in nobody wants to die cos of freak accidents or what, but even if one really has to die cos of freak accidents, i think ppl wld rather they were doing sth they liked for the last moments of their lives rather than sth they dreaded) and his contributions to conservation of wildlife etc is for all to see.

rest in peace, hunter! :)

SAI GANG DAY! like 8.30am-6pm lah. haha. but thing is, citygate finally finished the citygate! :D 10 of us were the last to leave, and we just sat at the centre of the central plaza admiring our work. sai gang it may be, it is very fufiling :) and its nice how 10 of us work well together and zi high together.. to get this whole thing out.

changer is chao chio man!

rushed home and then to airport after that! booo bro flew away again.. will onli be back 3-4mths later. but he'll be back for good! :D (whatever i said, whatever i did i didnt mean it... i just want you back for good.... -take that's back for good)

hmm. actually ive got nothing much to blog. just gonna rest today and complete my half finger thick of homework!

yayyy. ohyeah baby! :D